February 2012
20 posts
Your mom goes to the grocery store and brings home...
totally-relatable:
Follow Totally-Relatable for the funniest and most relatable posts.
citybluelights:
painiack:
Spend hours looking at porn.
Until you find the perfect one to masturbate to.
Then get disgusted by it afterwards.
lmfao
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might have to buy a Fresh Beat Band album.
Their music be tight son.
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When you find a porn video in the wrong category.
Why do I see a GERMAN MIDGET in my LATIN LESBIANS!!
When you find a snack that you forgot you had.
2 tags
When u go over your friend's house for the first...
Them:
You:
My mom went inside my room for something
and she said she found a bunch of used tissues around my bed. She asked me was I sick. I told her it was my allergies …………..yea, dick allergies.
Woke up in the middle of the night.
some-random-girl:
fairyprincessjoon:
To take a piss. And lying in the middle of the bathroom floor was my sister’s weave. I stepped on it repeatedly out of self defense. Thinking it was a tarantula werewolf baby
In my heart. I believed that I was going to die.
wheezing
TARANTULA WEREWOLF BABY!?? LOOOOL!
When i get my own house....
I’m gonna put a couch in the bathroom so I can watch company bathe.
You know you got stroke game when......
a girl brings you some slippers to wear before you get out of bed and lets you eat her kid’s last lunchable. I told little man I was sorry on my way to the fridge.
I called my female friend to ask her about...
and she answers the phone like “HEEEEEY BUDDY! ” Normally when I call she says “Hey big dick daddy “
Her boyfriend must be over.
I hate when people
try to make sluts feel bad. Just let them be. If people keep making all the sluts feel bad for being sluts, there wont be any sluts left for the people who actually appreciates them :/
I remember this one porn title I came across
“Sista with a nice weave sucking dick”
Friend: whatcha doing tomorrow?
Me: Nothing, I have no life.
One of my friends is really sad and upset
because the college she wanted to get into the most didn’t accept her. It’s so awkward for me because i never know what to say to make people feel better. I’m gonna just offer her some sex. Hopefully that’ll help.
My sister took my belt this morning without asking...
and i couldn’t find my other ones. So I had to waddle like a fucking penguin to work -_- My life coach always tell me to look for a positive in a negative situation. So, on the plus side…my ass cheeks are getting a nice lil breeze.
Sometimes I just be making up rap lines in my...
Example: Got these bitches pussy popping on a handstand, and they ain’t even strippers they just fans man.
I wish I could make an album. Each song, one bar.
January 2012
22 posts
2 tags
I don't want a career
I just want to get paid.
Out with my friends and my mom keeps calling and...
My friends think it’s a bunch of girls calling me. They’re all like: Man you’re a pimp.
And I’m like:
My mom's at work and she had some oreos in her...
I called her job and asked her could I have them. She said yes. But what she doesn’t know, is that I ate them bitches like an hour before I called.
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